$0/moFreeHiddenPatron count not public
$3/moScreenwriter's CreditHiddenAh yes, the infamous "Screenwriter's Credit"...
In Hollywood, screenwriters are the real magic behind the movies. Without writers, your favorite directors have nothing to make. Unfortunately, Hollywood doesn't value writers at all...but that's not the case here. You guys are the foundation. Everything starts here.
If you're looking to add more of my show's screenwriter credits to your resume, this is the tier for you. You'll get access to everything I post over here (the thank you video, polls, community posts, behind-the-scenes stuff, and anything else I can come up with) and you'll sleep well at night knowing you're helping me be less affected by Youtube's ridiculous community standards and bogus copyright claims!
And you'll have my undying gratitude. I mean, that's gotta count for something right?
$5/moProducer's CreditHiddenLook at you, Fancy Pants!
You've collected a thousand screenwriter's credits, but now you're ready to move up to the big time. With your Producer's Credit, you'll go to bed every night knowing you're the real power behind the podium.
Tell your friends at your next classy dinner party and watch them turn green with envy. Not everyone can be a powerful YouTube bigwig, but for a measly $5 a month, you can. It's the bargain of a lifetime.
At this tier, you get access to everything. I don't know what that is, but you'll get to see my "thank you" video, my posts, and all the updates I post here (I expect there will be some polls for upcoming episodes...). Oh, and you get my undying gratitude.
$10/moExecutive Producer's CreditHiddenLook, maybe being a producer sounds like too much work. I mean, producers have to go around schmoozing for investors, handle problems with actors, directors, and grips (what the hell is a grip, anyway?) and wear a ton of different hats on set. Maybe you've got some extra cash in your pocket and are ready to take things to the next level. For an individual of your means and discerning taste, I offer The Executive Producer's credit.
Executive Producers have the best gig -- they get to be big shot producers, but they don't have to do all the grunt work. At this level, you'll get the same stuff as the Producer Credit level, but I'll probably shout you out in the end of some videos too. Oh, and you'll get my "thank you" video. That thing's worth *at least* $10.
Look, I have no idea what I'm doing. I just make stupid videos full of puns and dad jokes. I can't even believe you people watch them.
Of course, you'll have my undying gratitude as well. A little more of it than those guys at the lower tiers -- but don't tell them. It's like picking your favorite kid -- we all do it, but we'll lie if you call us on it.
$25/moVice President of DevelopmentHiddenBeing an Executive Producer is cool and all, but everyone in Hollywood and YouTube land really has one goal: going from being Barbara Streisand's dog groomer straight to Vice President of Development at some major studio! (side note: do you kids even remember Barbara Streisand? Christ I'm old...) Today, I'm giving you the opportunity to make that distinctly American dream a reality.
Well, the Vice President of Development part, anyway. I can't get you a gig taking care of Babs' dogs. My pull only extends so far. Plus, I may have said some "unkind" things about her work in the past. That lady can really hold a grudge.
At this tier, you get the same stuff as the other tiers (sensing a trend here?), but if you join at this level you clearly love the show and what I do and I love you for that. You'll get chat and community posts, my thank you video, potential shout outs for your generosity in videos, and my undying gratitude. Plus you get to gloat knowing you're a bigger fan than those guys on the lower tiers. Who doesn't love to gloat?
$50/moStudio BossHiddenBuying your way to the top is as American as baseball, apple pie, and the Fourth of July (also, if you're not American, you're gonna have to work with me here. I mean, I was gonna say "buying your way to the top is as Australian as The Crocodile Hunter, vegemite, and getting murdered in the outback", but my lawyers said that was probably a bad idea...), so I had to offer this tier for those of you who want to jump right to "super fan" status.
Look, this is a lot of cash. I could go all "used car salesman" on you and say "you could pay for this by buying one less bottle of fancy vodka a month!" but I think we both know you need the vodka to get through my videos.
But, if you've got money burning a hole in your pocket since the pandemic shut down all the strip clubs and want to throw it my way instead, who am I to say no? I mean, I'll say "no" if you ask me to get on stage and work the pole to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" (I mean, every man has a line...and this is mine), but...wait, where was I going with this again?
At this tier you will almost assuredly get a shout out in a video, plus the other stuff listed. I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of letting you guys pick a movie, but this is also probably the tier where that would happen if I get it rolling.
Oh, and you get my undying gratitude -- that goes without saying. Seriously, if anyone's crazy enough to make this kind of commitment to my nonsense, I'll probably figure out some sort of personalized thing to say